L Meets Kira
by Poktalia
Summary: L meets Kira. But not the one you're thinking of.


"DON'T LET HIM ESCAPE!"

Police cars. Helicopters shining searchlights. Men and women in uniform. All that and more were summoned by a single word, a mere two syllables.

Blond hair whipped behind the man as he ran from his pursuers. Panic grew more and more pronounced with each second. "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!"

What indeed?

* * *

 _"Why am I here again?"_

 _Seconds turned into eons as business went on in the little café, a certain lieutenant standing with_ _arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently._

 _Said lieutenant sighed. "Why couldn't Matsumoto get her own coffee?" Then again, knowing how lazy she is, this shouldn't be a surprise. Her drink was not available in Soul Society, so the only way to get it was to come down to the real world. However, she just couldn't be bothered to put on her own gigai and go herself. Which led to the current situation. If only he hadn't happened to be walking by and been bullied into complying..._

 _Name after name was called. Names that were not his. So many names. "What's taking so long?" The Third Division should not be left alone for this along, especially over something this trivial. The guy was so wrapped up in the haplessness of his situation that he did not notice the strange person entering the place, creeping forward in a slouched manner before stopping inches behind him._

 _"Kira!" At last the coffee was ready!_

 _And all hell broke loose._

* * *

"Surrender!"

The cars, helicopters, and officers had yet to cease their pursuit. Well, there goes the hope of just using Shunpo to flee the scene; there were too many witnesses. And he didn't even have the second necessary to pop in a Soul Candy and retreat. Thanks Madarame and Iba; their drunken fooling-around had destroyed the Kikanshinki held in storage and with his own having run out, there was no way to erase what had just happened from the minds of the people. Why does God hate him so much?!

BAM! Not having watched where he was going, the pursued slammed head-first into a brick wall. Which allowed all the cars, helicopters, and officers to surround him. Crap!

The procession split open as a certain someone stepped forward before stopping right before the unfortunate man. "We have finally caught you, Kira."

"I don't understand!" The accused cried. "What did I do?!"

Soulless sable stared on. "Murder hundreds, evade arrest, taunt me—"

"—Wait what?!" Only one thing registered. "I never murdered anyone! I only kill Hollows—"

"—You mean the people you think have hollow hearts, criminals?" Soulless sable narrowed. "Who gave you the right to do such a thing?"

A fist clenched. "It's our duty as Shinigami to—" OH CRAP! HE SAID TOO MUCH!

"Shinigami?" A sickly pale head quirked to the side. "As in Death Gods? Soul Reapers?" A chin was scratched. "So that's what you see yourself as. Interesting."

What the?! "I _am_ a Shinigami!"

"He's a delusional one boys." Fingers snapped. "Take him away." A smug smirk crossed the speaker's lips. "You will no longer be able to take lives now that your life is about to be taken. You are no God." Guns cocked as barrels were loaded, daring the person within their crosshairs to resist. Which he did.

Reaching behind his back, the man pulled out a sword, holding it in both hands. "Get him! That must be how he kills!" Bullets flew not even a second later. However, nothing could have prepared them for what they saw next.

"Raise Your Head, Wabisuke!" Mouths dropped open as the straight blade bent twice, forming an angular hook. Faster than an eye could blink, each bullet was stricken, eventually falling onto the ground with deafening thuds as though they weighed tons instead of ounces.

A shocked cry left pale lips. "What kind of sorcery are you performing?!" Wild trembling wracked his frame. "Why didn't you just send them back to kill us all?!"

"Why would I do such a thing?!" The accused cried. "I'm Izuru Kira, lieutenant of the Third Division!"

The silence grew so deafening, a pin dropping could be heard from a mile away. "Izuru Kira? So Kira is just your last name?"

"Yeah." A huge sweat drop formed.

So all is right as rain, right? Right?! Nope. "How did you get your sword to transform and stop the bullets? And what is this Third Divisio—"

Everything went black.

* * *

"Geez, do you know how to do anything right?!"

Eyes weakly flickered open, taking in their surroundings...which so happened to be a traditional Japanese Washitsu. Judging by the black Shihakushō he now wore instead of modern clothes, it was safe to assume he was back in Soul Society. Whew.

But it was no time to be celebrating. "Are you even listening?!" A huge bust suddenly came into view, the owner of said bust crossing her arms as she continued on. "First you somehow managed to get a bunch of people to surround you and then you brought out your Zanpakutō right in front of them!" The woman humphed. "If I hadn't come in time and erased everyone's memories as well as taking you away from the scene, you would still have L staring you down—"

"—Wait, who's L?!" Confusion took hold over Izuru. "What are you talking about Matsumoto?!"

The lady frowned. "You don't even know the name of the man who had been pursuing you?!" No response. She sighed. "He's the number one detective in the real world. He's been leading the Kira Investigation—"

"—Kira Investigation?!" Poor guy, having so many shocks in one day. "Is that why he went after me?! Because my last name happens to be 'Kira'?!"

But that wasn't the worst of it. "Hey! Where's my coffee?!"


End file.
